My life as a dog!

When I was growing up I shared my home with my brother, with whom I had a love hate relationship (in those days mostly hate... these days mostly love!!), my mother who was mostly working hard so me and my brother could be out doing exciting things like playing fighting, tennis, riding, athletics, and even ballet (me, not my brother!!) 

But we also shared the house with dogs. Black labradors who had a reliable habit of shedding black hair all over the place. It was literally everywhere. What's the point of this trip down memory lane you might be wondering? The point is that I have been reminded of those lovely hair/fur shedding doggy friends over the last couple of weeks, as wherever I have gone I have left an alarming trail of my own hair/fur!!

I was told by my very lovely Oncology Doctor that I would likely start to lose my hair after the second chemo treatment, so when it started to hurt and then fall out after the first treatment I was more than slightly alarmed. Hair loss is such a visual reminder of the disease and such a personal hurt. My pillow, each morning, was just covered as if one my beloved labradors had slept the night right there with me sharing a dream or two. But the worst was in the shower, handfuls of the stuff would just fall out in my hands...  and I have (or had) a lot of hair so this was pretty traumatic and something that you never actually imagine could happen to you.

But it has and by last Wednesday it just looked too awful, mostly gone but with some patches still clinging on for dear life. (As my friend Pete said, I looked like the Hamlet Cigars photo booth guy with the awful 'comb over'!!) So I decided that I had to have the remaining stragglers shaved off. This was made so much easier and less traumatic by the very lovely hairdresser who did it for me and then swept up the sad reminders to give me the space to do some obligatory post haircut press-ups.

So what do I think now it's all gone?.... A sense of liberation?  A weight of my mind? Another step along the way? Ugly? Beautiful? Powerful? No not really any of these things....I just feel cold. It's cold with no hair, and my head feels like something that is just getting the sensation of touch and temperature for the first time in its life, a weird and wonderful sensation. Oh and I do feel just a teeny tiny bit like Sigourney Weaver AKA Ripley queen of the alien exterminators... just a bit.

This is a good thing because this week my chemo regime stepped up a gear or two. On Monday I had my second round of CHOP, and then on Thursday I had my first Intrathecal chemo treatment (an injection into the spinal canal). It's safe to say this made me a bit anxious, so I was going to need all the 'Ripley' courage I could muster...oh and also a pre-treatment fish and chip supper and a game of Trivial Pursuits with two lovely friends Di and Jon and their dog Elvis would help along the way.

On the Thursday, after press-ups outside Exeter Cathedral, we headed over to the chemo unit at the hospital and waited to be lumbar punctured. It was actually ok, whilst the Doctor extracted exactly 10 drops (no more no less) of spinal fluid and then pumped in exactly 5 ml of Chemo medicine I was swimming. In my head I was swimming across the velvety flat calm crystal clear waters of the Minnesotan Boundary waters. Water so 'pure and fresh untouched by human flesh' ...I was swimming alone, I was swimming with friends, I was head down working hard and I was lying on my back staring up at the sky. My imaginary swimming made the procedure bearable, and gave me confidence that when I have the procedure next time and the next I will swim right through it.

So a month into my treatment I have been a shaggy dog story, an alien exterminator and an imaginary swimmer exploring the best places I know to swim....So what next...?
More drugs, which really seem to be working; I even have my long stride back, I have no pain and for the most part I have very few side effects...apart from the hair loss! 
More press-ups that's for sure; the press-ups that friends near and far have continued to send are such an inspiration and every single one makes my day...so thank you.
And thank you for all the supportive comments that you have all sent us...wow how lucky we are to have such amazing friends. My life as a dog isn't so bad as so often it has brought out the very best in me and that can't be bad.