Curve Balls and Bluebells

The best laid plans and all that....

We are learning slowly that planning ahead when you're having something like this going on in your life is just plain stupid. Of course it's human nature to think about what we're going to do next, where we're going, when we're going, what we're going to wear blah blah blah. It feels good to know what's round the corner, (especially if it's good stuff).. maybe a meal out to celebrate the end of this cycle of 6 CHOPs, or a holiday, or a meet up with friends.

I am 5 CHOPs down with one to go, the finishing line is just round the corner and I was planning on celebrating with a meal out with friends by the sea. But with cancer anything can happen and it seems like it has. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was having pain in my hip, a pain that as time went on just felt more and more suspicious, more and more just NOT RIGHT. Well on Friday I finally had a scan and it appears I have a pathological fracture in my pelvis caused by one of two things. One: (and hopefully it's this one) it could be caused by weakened bone due to the healing of the diseased areas....fingers crossed!! Two: (and the doctor thinks the most likely) it is new disease, new Lymphoma, new chaos added to the mix...a massive curve ball that neither Rachel nor I feel like we want to catch right now.

This is shit news for all sorts of reasons but mainly because it will mean a new chemo regime. Four more months of treatment by poison and each treatment taking 5 days in a hospital fairly far away from home. Thankfully it is close to friends and two of the loveliest, most generous friends you could ask for. By the way thank goodness for wonderful friends like this who have helped and are helping to make this stuff not as bad as it could and would be without them there helping and carrying some of the burden with us.

So yes this latest development does absolutely suck. We have both been knocked off course by this news and must now re think things, rethink how the next few months will look for us and how the next few months will feel for me and for Rachel in our different ways.

That's the news. Sorry it's not better, but I guess one of the points of writing this blog is  to simply let you know what's happening and to hopefully share the load with you all. Of course it's not all bad stuff happening.

There is so much to be cheery about too. The best thing is this glorious spring, here on the moor it is slowly creeping over the place, almost leaf by leaf. The bluebells are flooding the woods with impossibly beautiful carpets of blue. And this year in our little woods the bluebells have beaten the ferns into top spot. Usually they both come out at the same time so the ferns' little green ladders hide the full blue beauty of the bluebells. However this year the ferns are still curled up tightly, waiting to unfurl their green springs over the woodland floor leaving the bluebells the coveted top spot. 

Another wonderful aspect of spring is the birdsong.The dawn chorus is deafening, and I mean that in best possible way. We are surrounded here by trees, by mature forest, so we are lucky enough to have hundreds and hundreds of birds singing each morning and evening at the top of their tiny little voices. ...it's truly magical, and I am so grateful to be woken up at 4.30 each morning to the singing in the forest outside our bedroom window.
And don't even get me started on the beech trees. That amazing zing of green that glimmers with the freshest, brightest most vibrant of shades across their muscular branches. Where the trees are silhouetted against the dark woods it appears that you can see each individual leaf as it swirls it's way out of its tight winter bud case, hanging like the most delicate piece of laundry on a washing line to dry along with hundreds of other swirls just like it.

I have already mentioned the other thing I am so grateful for and that is our most brilliant friends. We had the best weekend with Tosh and Mary, my most amazing friend and her brilliant sister, both of whom I love dearly. They were with me in hospital when I heard the bad news on Friday and yet we still spent the weekend laughing. These visits are so special because they deflect away, they send that curve ball spinning into orbit, albeit for a brief moment, and that is so important. Another friend worked all day today at Sleaford half marathon with her healing hands massaging the tired and aching runners for Rachel and Di's fundraising appeal...thank you so much Ann! And thanks to Rosie for her brilliant daily press ups....she even got naked this week for national naked gardening day, and a cheeky naked press-up!!
So despite the curve ball, things are still good. 
We went swimming in the river today for the first time this year (amazing)... we had a wonderful weekend with friends, the birds are singing like crazy and Rachel and I are good at making plans. We are just having to re-plot this journey and maybe prepare for a mountain climb or two. But that's what we do best, meet challenges head on, together...with a little help from our friends.