The Challenge Phase.

Good things come to those who wait. I'm a self confessed 'bad waiter'.  If I buy something online I want it to arrive straight away, not in 5-8 days. If I have a big arty project going on I want it to be finished straight away...I'm so bad at seeing it develop over days and weeks, bit by painstaking bit. Of course doing things carefully and mindfully means that often the most important, difficult tasks do take time and investing the time makes the end result so much more worthwhile. 

These last few weeks have been really tough for me. Not tough because of the cancer, no that bit has been quite easy because I've finished my CHOP chemo so life is just generally easier and way more pleasant. No, life has been tough because it's been a waiting game. I'm waiting for something I bought online in June to arrive! I've been assured it will finally be delivered this week...so hopefully, fingers crossed I'll have pictures for you next week. And I guess more importantly I've been waiting to find out if the last 7 months of chemo have had a significant effect on my lymphoma. I had the PET CT scan on July 24th and I finally saw the lovely Dr. Veale on Friday to tell me whether I would be going into hospital to have the Stem Cell Transplant or whether I would need yet more chemo before this could happen.

I can safely say that this thought has been somewhere on my mind every minute of every day. Both scenarios, both outcomes aren't particularly pleasant but of course by far the better outcome is successful remission and then the stem cell treatment. I'm sure everyone reading this has had similar scenarios where there is something on your mind that keeps you awake at night, that is the first thing that pops into your sleepy head in the morning, that swims around your brain in a day dreamy moment, that fills your thoughts as you drive alone in your car.

But in the meantime, life goes on. We have finished the summer term at work, three weeks of teenagers from Oxfordshire doing their NCS courses. Whilst I haven't been working every day I have been there enough to know that they have been wonderful groups of young people, motivated to do well and make the most of this opportunity... and young people who loved being together in the sea. Lucky me, I got to see them surf for the very first time in their lives, a real honour and I'm grateful for my work allowing me to do this. Oh and by the way, not one of them batted an eyelid that their teacher was bald!! Whoever says that all teenagers are rude, disrespectful and lazy clearly hasn't met the thousands of young people that sign up for the NCS programme every year.

For those of you who don't know, NCS stands for National Citizen Service which is for 16+ year olds. It is a national youth programme providing young people with opportunities and challenges to develop skills for work and life. It usually, but not always, targets those young people who struggle with a formal education and might not be going on to further education. Our role where I work is the 'Challenge' phase...a week of activities designed to challenge and help the young people to come together in effective teams. They then go on to the 'Discovery' phase and finally the 'Social Action' phase where the teams design a project that will somehow benefit their home community. So it's 3 or even 4 weeks of intense work after they have finished school. Impressive stuff!

 
Today I stumbled across part of the 'Social Action' project created by a local Devon NCS group - artwork situated along the Tarka Trail on the banks of the Torridge Estuary designed to highlight mental illness in young people. It was a poignant moment for me as I neared the end of the run phase of the Bideford Triathlon...


This was my personal 'Challenge' phase if you like. I really wanted to do something challenging before going into hospital so on Friday I asked Dr Veale if it would be OK. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Can I do a triathlon?
Dave: Yes. Wait, could you do a triathlon before?!
It was a bit of a joke but actually now I think about it, I've only ever done triathlons with cancer. I didn't know that at the time of my first and subsequent triathlons because I'm only slowly realising just how long this thing has been going on in my body. So, who knows? Maybe I couldn't do them before!!!

So a Triathlon? It was definitely a last minute decision and I'm really glad we did it. This morning as the mist rose off the tidal water and 200 wet-suited athletes waited for their turn to get in I don't mind admitting that I had tears in my eyes. The emotions coursing through my body were those of adrenaline, a little fear (the swim can be tricky negotiating the tidal flow) and I didn't know whether I was fit enough to actually finish the whole race...But mostly I felt a little sad because I didn't want to be doing this with cancer. Of course, no one does but at the same time I felt proud of myself for getting out there and having a go despite the fact my body is not at its best.
But the emotions were gone as soon as we set off, replaced by concentration, pleasure and effort in equal measures. The swim in the salty River Torridge was lovely; bright green water shining in the early morning sun with not too much flow to deal with. Then a brilliant bike ride through the beautiful Devon countryside with some pretty tough climbs, fast descents and wonderful scenery and finally a nice flat run across the ancient bridge and along the Tarka Trail, a disused old railway line along the river. I'm so so glad I did it. Who knows how long it will be before I get another chance? And as I know I've said many times before, this disease really puts your life and the choices you make into focus. So it just felt right to get out there with Rachel and have a go.

So back to the waiting game.... the news was good. I now have 2 weeks before the next phase of my treatment. My meeting with Dr. Veale on Friday went pretty well. He was satisfied that the results of the PET scan were positive enough for me to go ahead and have the BEAM chemo with stem cell transplant for support. Sitting in his office listening to what's involved it's like things just got that bit more serious. The treatment will be tough and the list of side effects long, but if I can do a triathlon with next to no training I can do this stem cell thing!

Good things come to those who wait...and for me the good thing is a chance for treatment that will hopefully kick this lymphoma in to touch. Whilst a month in hospital doesn't sound like a 'good thing'....it really is.